it's been a week at least or maybe two.

i am pretty depressed in life.

it seems like i have only another 3-4 years of uninterrupted life before I am forced to "settle down".

Just a realization but I felt it for the first time last week....

I wonder....

I have come to terms that I shall never make any breakthroughs in the world of the sciences....

I have also come to terms with my position as a very smart if very lazy monkey that does rapid improvisation with tools to solve an immediate problem so it can go to sleep....

again no problem...

but lots of those illusions i have had about the world are crashing down fast on me....

i now have two ideals left.

writing is one of them...

if that fails i do not know to where i shall turn....

personally i am not motivated by any desire to seek any new truth...

i do not believe in the truth...

but i do wish there was something that actually stretched me...

feel very very bored at work.... ( example of tingling work being done, zipping up individual files in some crummy folder when a single script can do the entire thing).

i wish i had atleast a lot of work to do...

it would keep me occupied...

my only aim in life is to earn enough money to indulge myself n toys and get on with doing what i love best in life: writing

other than that not much...

shit! why does life have to be so boring and meaningless....