Architects Lotus notes and rot

If architects built buildings the way programmers wrote programs then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy all of civalization.
--Parker's Law


To suitably expand on this theme let me pick on one of the associated pieces of malware that infests any large organization, this piece of cantakerous code being the one piece of dog poo that most corporate managers go gaga on. Side note: why do corporate managers go gaga over dog poo?. LOTUS SODDING NOTES, is the biggest, crappiest piece of software that it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. Most other pieces of software atleast put up a pretence of doing something. Not so this piece of shit. It doesn't plain do anything period.

The other day I was travelling down a lift when an English client steps into the lift with a BM from our side and he says something like 'why is it that i am not getting any of the statistics of how many times you guys use the washroom' and our BM says it's a r5-r6 migration issue. And the Engelsmann says 'Oh!'. "oh!" right. See! Everybody knows this piece of software does nothing then why the hell do we have it.... Why don't we say 'screw you IBM' and write some other piece of software that actually delivers the mail to us.

The SOP for our project now includes the following statement. "After mailing a document to someone, call him up to inform him you have done the same. Lotus Notes is a little(sic) erratic at times." Bullshit! This piece of twat is erratic at all points of time. Point 1: I have set the replication time on my local machine to be a minute. i.e. every minute Lotus notes makes sure my local copy is in sync with the server. But the damn thing doesn't replicate at all. I have to sit here and go punch the replicate button every 30 seconds to make sure the damn bloddy silly piece of poodle crap that someone ran over with a truck and splattered onto a BMW actually bloddy effing works.... I mean, I don't expect much from work but can't the silly thing even automate this....

Arrghh... I can put up with almost anything guys. In fact, over the last four years i have put up with much worse, one time having to check my mail on a monitor that had it's centre part burned out due to a wierd experiment with a few rubber bands, a brick and the innards of one very dead goat. I had to move the monitor image left right to read my mail, and actually write code...... + the development environment had only a single line editor..... so i could only write one line of code at that time. + this was a Kernel driver thing so the code used to go like this.

symoops->(
symoops->tail->msg,
symoops->send->(char *(void * foo) ),
(char *)(void *) buf

);

and so on. But all that is ok, compared to this piece of twat.... Lotus Notes plain sucks and if Kappor the bloddy nitwit, ditch delivered son of a Tirkish cretin still hasn't got the message. It still sucks you son of unmarried parents. It is the grossest, most horriblest piece of software ever to have come out after Emacs o.k. (Emacs still holds the top spot for plain yuckiness. If you don't believe me then tell me would you like to press Alt-Ctrl-Space-S-Shift-Star all together to save your documents. I mean come on Stallman we have only 10 fingers ok.) But then Lotus notes is giving Emacs a run for it's money.... I mean open new workspace, make mail local then check your bloddy mail..... Argghghhhg.... Mitch Kappor I hope that you contract mumps....