voila' here it is...Profiles of Shit -Department of ICE v0.0.1

Introduction

Welcome to the Department of Instrumentation ∧ Control Engineering in Crescent Engineering College. Like the other departments in our college, we strive to keep our IQ level negative, but alas perchance one or two students appear but we ensure that they liquidate themselves before the end of the first year.

History of the Department (Navel gazing extraordinaire)

The department was first started by the mindless and completely spineless chap in charge of the college as he realized that he needed someone to repair his horn which had come apart due to the fact that he blew it too many times. He started this department only to realize that Instrumentation was an entirely different thing, and committed the nth blunder of his career by appointing T. Thyagarajan a.k.a TT (Total thondaravu which can be translated to English as complete pain in the orally antipodal orifice) as the Head of the Department. TT after having himself stuffed and placed on top of the department doors for a week (much as in the manner of a stuffed head of lion) decided he didn't like it, and opted instead to stuff most of his students and hang them over doors.

TT was/is a man who though upright and good that he is, is lacking in social graces and english to such an extent that he usually berates his student with the oft used but hardly understood expression "you fool of an ass". He has published a number of brilliant papers on such vast and diverse subjects as "Nose picking with fuzzy logic controllers" and "Fuzzy logic as employed to student decisions". He is presently the dean and as can be found from this present digression has the odd habit of appearing in almost all matters that do not concern him and hogging all the front covers. Though his students favour vivisecting him, he is more popularly known as "a gem of an ass".

TT as he rose through the ranks to dean brought in his chum and cronie (from the days they were in jail together) S. Rangaswamy a.k.a colourgod or shithead to replace him as HOD of ICE. It is under this specimen's aegis that the students of ICE today survive. The department has over the years relegated itself to the position of a completely unessential showpiece. Though they have accquired a million new gadgets, none of the staff have any knowledge to operate them beyond standing back and poking the equipment with a stick. It is a model establishment. It has models of SCADAs, PLCs and these models have allowed it to proclaim that it has one of the best labs in the world. Wether the students are allowed to touch any of the models is a moot question

Short term vision of the department

Long form

The department over the short term has decided to acquire some new two million flanalian pooplebeads and shall be educating the staff on how to wash their ass with it. Since the staff are too dumb to understand this they shall proceed not to teach the students this. We shall then proudly proclaim that we have the best labs since the staff have decided not to just eat in the lab but crap there too. We shall then apply for ISO <insert year here > or anyother certification here but shall be immediately rejected as the HOD cannot explain why he can't find his department (HINT: it's been temparorily converted to a toilet).

Short form

They need glasses

Long term vision of the department

Long form

They are blind

Short form

Completely blind!

Mission of the department

Figure out where the toilet is. Put pictures of little men and women there to help the staff find out. Build a separate toilet for Nagarajan since he is basically not human. Apply for ISO 9001 certification for having achieved this awesome deed.

Courses offered

Contacted the HOD said that the thing students had to be asking themselves was what they could do to the college , not what the college could do to them. He stated that though courses were being conducted, there was a problem involving thefact that for most proffesors the heads and rear ends were interchangeable since what emenated from both ends were the same. He promised to institute a program to identify which end was which. He said that asking the college to teach them something was just just too much. However he said that he was applying for certification in order to show people he had a good course.

Summary of courses offered:
None. Since teaching requires a modicum of intelligence ICE department has no teachers. The reason why students pass is because they independently do their work. An intresting question that they often raise is if any of the professors would even pass one paper.

Achievements of the Department (CORE NAVEL GAZING and more)

The achievement of the department are many. We basically dislike any work of any relevance towards any industry or any commercial venture or anything that may be remotely useful. So we have implemented these amazingly trashy projects that shall be proudly proclaimed by all the international level foreign magazines that our staff peruse like Kalki, Kumudam, Chavi. Playboy they find a little too technical. They prefer to stick to Indian authors. Infact all our projects start out with one of three words fuzzy, neuro or adaptive. A project's merit is determined by how many times these words are worked into the title. Even better is when genetic, controller or preemptive figures in. The best projects usually require the HOD as author. Infact that is one prerequisite for determining the essentialness of our project. Software we hate, which is why we are in our present job. The only software that we are familiar with is Borland C v0.0.1. Infact we don't have any hardware, software or underwear to display about our project. The titles usually suffice. We basically bandy these terms about in our profile in order to seem as though we are doing technical work. It's a good thing parents still fall for this trap and think ours is a good department.

Staff profile

TODO

Certification

TODO

Students feedback

TODO

Authors

All the students of the department of ICE Crescent Engineering College

DISCLAIMER

What we are saying here is true. If you don't like it foutre vous. Anyway we take recourse behind the fundamental right to speech