voila' here it is...Profiles of Shit -Department of ICE v0.0.1

Introduction

Welcome to the Department of Instrumentation ∧ Control Engineering in Crescent Engineering College. Like the other departments in our college, we strive to keep our IQ level negative, but alas perchance one or two students appear but we ensure that they liquidate themselves before the end of the first year.

History of the Department (Navel gazing extraordinaire)

The department was first started by the mindless and completely spineless chap in charge of the college as he realized that he needed someone to repair his horn which had come apart due to the fact that he blew it too many times. He started this department only to realize that Instrumentation was an entirely different thing, and committed the nth blunder of his career by appointing T. Thyagarajan a.k.a TT (Total thondaravu which can be translated to English as complete pain in the orally antipodal orifice) as the Head of the Department. TT after having himself stuffed and placed on top of the department doors for a week (much as in the manner of a stuffed head of lion) decided he didn't like it, and opted instead to stuff most of his students and hang them over doors.

TT was/is a man who though upright and good that he is, is lacking in social graces and english to such an extent that he usually berates his student with the oft used but hardly understood expression "you fool of an ass". He has published a number of brilliant papers on such vast and diverse subjects as "Nose picking with fuzzy logic controllers" and "Fuzzy logic as employed to student decisions". He is presently the dean and as can be found from this present digression has the odd habit of appearing in almost all matters that do not concern him and hogging all the front covers. Though his students favour vivisecting him, he is more popularly known as "a gem of an ass".

TT as he rose through the ranks to dean brought in his chum and cronie (from the days they were in jail together) S. Rangaswamy a.k.a colourgod or shithead to replace him as HOD of ICE. It is under this specimen's aegis that the students of ICE today survive. The department has over the years relegated itself to the position of a completely unessential showpiece. Though they have accquired a million new gadgets, none of the staff have any knowledge to operate them beyond standing back and poking the equipment with a stick. It is a model establishment. It has models of SCADAs, PLCs and these models have allowed it to proclaim that it has one of the best labs in the world. Wether the students are allowed to touch any of the models is a moot question

Short term vision of the department

Long form

The department over the short term has decided to acquire some new two million flanalian pooplebeads and shall be educating the staff on how to wash their ass with it. Since the staff are too dumb to understand this they shall proceed not to teach the students this. We shall then proudly proclaim that we have the best labs since the staff have decided not to just eat in the lab but crap there too. We shall then apply for ISO <insert year here > or anyother certification here but shall be immediately rejected as the HOD cannot explain why he can't find his department (HINT: it's been temparorily converted to a toilet).

Short form

They need glasses

Long term vision of the department

Long form

They are blind

Short form

Completely blind!

Mission of the department

Figure out where the toilet is. Put pictures of little men and women there to help the staff find out. Build a separate toilet for Nagarajan since he is basically not human. Apply for ISO 9001 certification for having achieved this awesome deed.

Courses offered

Contacted the HOD said that the thing students had to be asking themselves was what they could do to the college , not what the college could do to them. He stated that though courses were being conducted, there was a problem involving thefact that for most proffesors the heads and rear ends were interchangeable since what emenated from both ends were the same. He promised to institute a program to identify which end was which. He said that asking the college to teach them something was just just too much. However he said that he was applying for certification in order to show people he had a good course.

Summary of courses offered:
None. Since teaching requires a modicum of intelligence ICE department has no teachers. The reason why students pass is because they independently do their work. An intresting question that they often raise is if any of the professors would even pass one paper.

Achievements of the Department (CORE NAVEL GAZING and more)

The achievement of the department are many. We basically dislike any work of any relevance towards any industry or any commercial venture or anything that may be remotely useful. So we have implemented these amazingly trashy projects that shall be proudly proclaimed by all the international level foreign magazines that our staff peruse like Kalki, Kumudam, Chavi. Playboy they find a little too technical. They prefer to stick to Indian authors. Infact all our projects start out with one of three words fuzzy, neuro or adaptive. A project's merit is determined by how many times these words are worked into the title. Even better is when genetic, controller or preemptive figures in. The best projects usually require the HOD as author. Infact that is one prerequisite for determining the essentialness of our project. Software we hate, which is why we are in our present job. The only software that we are familiar with is Borland C v0.0.1. Infact we don't have any hardware, software or underwear to display about our project. The titles usually suffice. We basically bandy these terms about in our profile in order to seem as though we are doing technical work. It's a good thing parents still fall for this trap and think ours is a good department.

Staff profile

TODO

Certification

TODO

Students feedback

TODO

Authors

All the students of the department of ICE Crescent Engineering College

DISCLAIMER

What we are saying here is true. If you don't like it foutre vous. Anyway we take recourse behind the fundamental right to speech

Profiles of Crescent Engineering

O.K. Was in a confference with other department buds over the past one hour. Here's the basic agenda for the Crescent Engineering College Profile. I shall start out by profiling the ICE department with valuable inputs from all others in the department. This shall be published in some website which mirrors the college website at www.crescentcollege.com so our site should ideally be called www.shitsentcollege.com. Since it's a collabarative effort I shall post each department profile one by one on my blogspot before compiling it into one big report that shall realistically represent the entire college. Here goes...

Titan

Was reading Stephen Baxter's Titan! My god what a novel. The first 100 pages start with the destruction of the Columbia. In a way that's not too different from what actually happened. This guy is a visionary man! And this was nearly 5 years or more before. What a man! In retrospect, it was such a well known secret that Columbia was one completely old wreck. So why the shit did Nasa persevere with it? The part about one Indian dying was also right. Yeah! he got the Chinese program wrong but not by much by my accounts. Good read but not as good as his Vacuum digrams.

The farce that is Crescent contd.

On my update abt. what a class a screwed up asshole Nagarajan was, you may havebeen led to believe that he is the only specimen that is so. In order to do full justice to this wonderful college which is (near) the zoo,and it's major inhabitants some of whom are barely human, I intend to compose a profile of the college, not to mention a complete department profile. I shall be writing the ICE department profile. I hope to find inputs about other departments from their members. Should be fun. We shall also do the complete information abt. the college. Hehehe.... Starting to feel better already.

The farce that is Crescent

Wow!Wow!Wow!Had my third review today. And believe me it's been a learning experience. What A LEARNING EXPERIENCE. What did I learn today:


1) Essentially the front and rear end of any proffesor of Instrumentation & Control Engineering can be interchanged since the output from both are the same.

2) With the gracious exclusion of a rare few it is true that the above fact can be extended to almost any proffesor in Crescent Engineering

Ford Prefect was right. Proffesors in Crescent speak because they are afraid that if their mouths remain shut their brains may start working. What a crew! I mean what a goddamn fucking crew.

But in all this it is my pleasure to present to you one amongst a million. A certain species of brainless cretin so brainless and so dense that he can gratuitously and spontaneously turn into a blackhole. After he passes this event horizon space time and even logic go for a toss. The only thing that can escape is crap: because it's difficult finding anything else in Crescent so you don't know if this crap emenated from this chap, and his ideas because they so lack in substance.
Ladies and Gentlemen! I present to you. The prince of insufficient light and completely incompetent sluggard Senior Lecturer Ehehehehe.... Nagarajan!

We were presenting our project and the thing we are doing is building the instrumentation for in situ dynamic temperature measurement in shoes. So we put the RTD's in the shoe. So big question from Nagarajan. If I put the RTD in my mouth is it a project?

ANSWER:
Yes it is buddy! However silly it may seem science is about collecting data. I'm sure everybody thought it was silly of Galleilio to throw two balls from the top of a tower. So is throwing it off the top of a building a project. Clue to you idiot. If a thing doesn't exist builiding it is a project. Sure it's easy enough doing Neural Network controlled temperature controller. But that's done to death idiot. Science is not all the time about the gizmos, sometimes it's about small things like apples. Anyway there's no use arguing with this guy. To quote Wodehouse:

To attempt to drive information into your head Mr. Nagarajan is no easy task for Providence mysterious in it's workings has given you instead of the more customary human brain a skull full of concrete.

Seriously this guy has a serious problem. He presents a threat to us all because he seriously has the ability to destroy our intellectual ability. Any attempt to kill him or give him a vasectomy shall meet with my hearty approval.

Software Patents on Sunday

Read Richard Stallman's speech on software patents yesterday.
You can find it
here.
Have to say he presents a very scary picture of software patents.
Since most of the work that Indian software companies do is outsourcing,
twenty years down the line India may find itself in really really deep shit
over any products that we develop.
We may not exactly have much freedom to develop stuff.
Would probably be stiffled by these damn patent laws.

Is there any good law school in India somewhere.
I'm seriously thinking of dabbling in Law for my masters. The way things are it looks like getting me some money at
least.

Saw James """Jimmy"^" Anderson's bowling against Pakistan
yesterday. Hung the Pakis out to dry. Wonderful display of outswingers
and inswingers. realy amazing cool superb halalife bowling. India's match
is on at PietrMaritzburg (the town of Rhodes). I do wish he were there
pepping up cricket. What a loss it's been.

Think I'll spend today writing assembly, reading Dave Barry and fixing
boot sectors of my box. All updates shall be at eight